Introducing the CARE and HOLD Models: A New Framework for Transforming the Mental Load

Re-imaging CARE and the mental load with the CARE and HOLD Model.

First and foremost - this blog is NOT clinical advice nor is it intended to minimize PMADS or maternal mental health. In fact, it is to strengthen this conversation, expand it and bring more attention to it, from all disciplines and providers who work with Mothers.

If you’ve ever found yourself saying, “I’m carrying everything and no one sees it,” you’re not alone.

Or maybe it’s your clients time and time again - “He’s a good dad, but he just doesn’t help the way I need him too and I am tired of asking him…”.

The mental load - the often-invisible labor of managing a household, remembering appointments, anticipating needs, and holding the emotional pulse of a family - is one of the most common points of tension in modern partnerships. But here’s the truth: the way we’ve been talking about the mental load is incomplete.

Most approaches treat it as a communication problem. Or a delegation issue. Or something that can be solved with a better system or spreadsheet.

But what if the issue isn’t the way we’re managing care?
What if the issue is how we define it, value it, and assign it in the first place?

That’s where the CARE and HOLD Models come in.

Why the CARE and HOLD Models Were Created

As a clinician and educator working at the intersection of maternal mental health, matrescence and Motherhood…I saw the same thing happening over and over again:

Couples trying to split the load more fairly but still ending up in resentment.
Professionals offering tools but watching them fall short.
Mothers internalizing the overwhelm and blaming themselves.

The frameworks we had were helping some, but they weren’t going far enough. They were redistributing care, but not reimagining it.

It was time for a new model - one that doesn’t just ask, Who’s doing what?
But instead asks:
What is care?
How are the outdated scripts reinforcing limiting identities? What does it mean to be “whole” within and outside of caregiving?How do we co-create care that honors both partners, and the systems we’re trying to disrupt?

What Makes CARE and HOLD Different?

Most mental load frameworks focus on task management. They aim for equity by encouraging couples to split responsibilities and improve communication. And while those are important, they often leave the deeper questions untouched.

The CARE and HOLD Models are different in three key ways:

1. They are identity-based, not just task-based.

The CARE Model begins by helping couples name how they’ve been socialized into care — how gender roles, cultural narratives, and family legacies shape their expectations. Because often, it’s not just about what we do. It’s about who we believe we’re allowed to be.

2. They are system-aware.

CARE and HOLD name the systems - patriarchy, capitalism, white supremacy - that have historically made care invisible, gendered, and undervalued. This isn't about blaming individuals. It’s about understanding how we've all been conditioned.

3. They go beyond balancing care and invite you to co-create it.

Balancing care within a broken framework will never be enough. The CARE and HOLD Models guide couples to co-create a shared definition of care — one that is relational, ethical, and transformative. This is where the real shift begins.

What Is the CARE Model?

CARE is an acronym that reframes how couples begin the conversation about the mental load:

• C = Context
  We zoom out. We acknowledge the systemic forces that shaped how each partner understands and embodies care.

• A = Awareness (Ask different questions)
  We look inward. Each person reflects on their socialization, unconscious scripts, and the stories they've inherited about caregiving.

• R = Relational Rebuilding (Re-imagining Care…together)
  We come together. The model offers a path toward shared meaning — not just shared tasks — so couples can build a culture of care that reflects both their values.

• E = Embody Equity
  We integrate. Care becomes something we are, not just something we do. This is where co-creation happens — in the daily, lived practice of shared caregiving.

What Is the HOLD Model?

Where CARE initiates the conversation, HOLD sustains it.
It addresses what happens after the “aha moments” — when resistance surfaces, when old habits return, or when progress stalls.

HOLD supports couples (and professionals working with them) to navigate discomfort and stay in the work through:

• Honor the complexity

• Own your impact

• Lean into the repair

• Deepen into practice

Because real transformation doesn’t happen in a single conversation. It happens over time - through repair, reflection, and recommitment.

Why This Model Matters Now

We are in a cultural moment where the mental load is being named more than ever — and that’s a powerful thing. But naming the problem is not the same as transforming it.

And you can’t transform the mental load inside the same system that created it.

We need a new framework for care — one that is rooted in identity, context, and co-creation.

Whether you're a parent living this daily, or a professional supporting families in therapy, coaching, or education — CARE and HOLD offer something that’s been missing from the conversation:

• A way to understand care not just as labor, but as a shared human value.

• A roadmap for navigating resentment without blame.

• A framework for building new relational cultures — at home, and beyond.

Ready to Go Deeper?

Download the CARE Model – Start the shift with our free introduction guide. And if you want the full version - send an email here.

And join the LIVE QandA plus deeper discussion on the CARE Model, Thursday, June 17th at 12:30pm EST. Hold your spot here. Recorded if you miss it!

Learn More and Get Involved

Professionally: The Matricentric Way is leading this paradigm shift - it truly is expanding the conversation on maternal mental health. If you are a professional that supports Mothers, I invite you to enroll in The Matricentric Way, either LIVE or self-paced. Join this movement today so that we can transform not only the lives of the individual Mothers we support, but the greater collective of Mothers.

Personally: The Becoming Mama course is available self-paced for any Mother within her first 7 or so years postpartum, interested in learning more about her matrescence AND the impact of Patriarchal Motherhood on her experience of being a Mother. (NOTE: this is NOT a substitute for clinical therapy NOR is it recommended to treat maternal mental health challenges. Consult your therapist for any mental health concerns.)