Matrescence, the Mental Load, and the Path to Identity Transformation
Transformation is possible.
First and foremost - this blog is NOT clinical advice nor is it intended to minimize PMADS or maternal mental health. In fact, it is to strengthen this conversation, expand it and bring more attention to it, from all disciplines and providers who work with Mothers.
What is Matrescence?
Are you familiar with the theory of matrescence? If you’ve followed my work, you likely are. Coined by anthropologist Dana Raphael and further developed by scholars like Dr. Aurélie Athan, matrescence refers to the profound developmental process that occurs when a woman becomes a mother. Much like adolescence as Athan suggests, it is a time of significant psychological, hormonal, emotional, social, and spiritual change.
But matrescence is more than a transitional life stage…it’s an identity shift. One in which a woman must reorient herself to the world, both internally and externally.
She may find herself asking:
Who was I?
Who am I now?
Who do I want to be?
These questions are rooted in the core of her identity, and they often emerge in the midst of disorientation, upheaval, and internal tension. What once felt certain no longer holds. The roles, beliefs, and behaviors she’s relied on may begin to unravel.
In this way, matrescence is not just a transition. It is a transformation.
The Awakening: When the World No Longer Fits
In my work, I have come to understand this transformation as a kind of awakening - a term echoed by Harro (2000) in their Cycle of Liberation. For many mothers, this awakening is prompted by the realization that the world no longer functions the way they believed it did. It no longer fits. And in order to survive and thrive within it, they must change both their own internal world and the external systems around them.
One of the most common catalysts for this awakening?
The weight of care, particularly the invisible, unrelenting nature of the mental load.
The Mental Load: A Mirror and a Breaking Point
The mental load includes the cognitive, emotional, and logistical labor involved in managing a household and family life - work that is overwhelmingly carried by women and mothers, often without recognition or reciprocity.
It is here, in the daily accumulation of unseen labor, that many women first begin to see clearly:
How much they carry.
How much is expected of them.
How much they’ve internalized the need to do it all…do it all perfectly, selflessly, and without complaint.
And when that load becomes too heavy, when resentment becomes the baseline, something begins to crack.
Often, this crack is expressed as maternal rage*…a raw, misunderstood emotion that is frequently pathologized or dismissed. But when we view rage as a signal, not a symptom, we begin to see it differently.
Rage is not dysfunction. It’s a refusal.
It’s the body and mind saying: “This isn’t working anymore.”
*If it isn’t rage, it might be excessive anxiety, burnout, resentment, overwhelm etc.
Matrescence as Liberation: Who Do I Want to Be?
Matrescence, then, becomes not just a personal reckoning but a radical opportunity: the chance to choose who she is, free from the layers of social conditioning that have shaped her since birth.
This includes the "good girl" messaging. The "perfect housewife" standard. The "perfect mother" ideal.
When we reimagine care…for the family, for the self, for the community…we invite a powerful question:
If the weight of care wasn’t solely hers to carry... who might she become?
From this place, liberation becomes possible. Not only for her, but for her relationships, her children, and the systems she touches.
CARE and HOLD: A Framework for Supporting the Transformation
This is the heart of the CARE and HOLD Model:
A framework that centers identity, carework, and community as integral components of maternal transformation (and visa versa).
While the CARE and HOLD model explores this in greater detail, its foundation is this truth:
We cannot dismantle the mental load without understanding the self beneath it.
The mental load is about WHO she has been asked to BE…in addition to what she has been asked to do.
This Isn’t Just About Mothers — It’s About All Caregivers
While matrescence is a uniquely gendered experience shaped by cultural and systemic forces, identity transformation in parenthood (and caregiving more broadly) happens across genders.
Men experience patrescence.
Non-binary and gender-diverse parents navigate their own versions of this reorientation.
All caregivers, in some form, confront the demands of care and the reshaping of self.
The difference often lies in how much they are expected to carry, and whether or not they are given permission and support to explore the identity shifts that occur.
The Takeaway: She Is Not Broken. She Is Becoming.
At its core, matrescence is an identity transformation.
It is not simply about becoming a mother; it is about becoming more fully, consciously, and intentionally oneself. It invites her to peel back the layers of conditioning, expectations, and ideals, and to uncover what is real, what is hers, and what she no longer wishes to carry.
This process is not neat. It is not linear. It is often painful. But when it is supported…when she is witnessed and held…it becomes a profound opportunity for growth, expansion, and liberation.
CARE and HOLD is not just a framework for managing the Mental Load.
It is a container for transformation.
A space for unraveling and re-becoming.
A path back to herself and forward to a more sustainable, liberated way of being in the world.
Because when she is supported, she doesn’t just survive the weight of care.
She transforms it…for herself, her family, and the greater world.
Ready to Go Deeper?
Download the CARE Model – Start the shift with our free introduction guide.
Purchase The CARE and HOLD Model for Professionals here. And if you are interested in this model personally, you can purchase the Guide here.
Learn More and Get Involved
Professionally: The Matricentric Way is leading this paradigm shift - it truly is expanding the conversation on maternal mental health. If you are a professional that supports Mothers, I invite you to enroll in The Matricentric Way, either LIVE or self-paced. Join this movement today so that we can transform not only the lives of the individual Mothers we support, but the greater collective of Mothers.
Personally: The Becoming Mama course is available self-paced for any Mother within her first 7 or so years postpartum, interested in learning more about her matrescence AND the impact of Patriarchal Motherhood on her experience of being a Mother. (NOTE: this is NOT a substitute for clinical therapy NOR is it recommended to treat maternal mental health challenges. Consult your therapist for any mental health concerns.)
